by Sallyanne Keevers | Sep 1, 2025 | Burnout & Boundaries, Women's Lives
You look capable.
You are capable.
You manage work.
You manage conversations.
You manage emotions.
You manage the atmosphere in a room before anyone else notices it has shifted.
And yet, you are tired in a way sleep does not fix.
This is not laziness.
It is not weakness.
It is not failure.
It is emotional labour.
And many women are carrying far more of it than they realise.
Understanding the concept of emotional labour for woman is crucial for recognising the unseen burdens many carry.
The Woman Who Holds Everything Together: Understanding Emotional Labour for Woman
You anticipate needs before they are spoken.
You soften your tone so someone else does not feel criticised.
You adjust your expectations so conflict does not escalate.
You remember birthdays, schedules, emotional triggers, unspoken tensions.
You track how everyone is coping.
You often become the stabiliser in relationships.
Over time, this can begin to feel automatic. Invisible. Expected.
But emotional labour is not abstract.
It is effort.
It is monitoring.
It is regulation.
And it requires energy.
When that energy is constantly flowing outward, exhaustion is not surprising.
Emotional Labour Is Not Just Emotional
Chronic emotional labour activates your nervous system.
When you are scanning for shifts in mood, anticipating reactions, or managing conflict before it surfaces, your body remains in a subtle state of vigilance.
It may not feel dramatic.
It can look like:
- A hollow sensation in your chest
- Butterflies that are not pleasant
- A low-grade sense of urgency
- Difficulty switching off at night
- Waking with thoughts already running
For many women, this pattern overlaps with what is often described as high-functioning anxiety in women.
Your nervous system learns that staying alert keeps things stable.
That adaptation may have been wise once.
But living in ongoing micro-vigilance is tiring.
Emotional exhaustion in women is often physiological as much as psychological.
If you’re unsure whether this kind of work translates online, you may find it helpful to read about whether online therapy is effective for anxiety.
The System You Live Within
This is not only personal.
Women are still socialised to:
- Be accommodating
- Be emotionally literate
- Maintain harmony
- Be responsible for relational wellbeing
Patriarchal structures and gender expectations have shaped this pattern across generations.
You may not consciously agree with those expectations.
And yet, they operate in workplaces, families, partnerships, and cultural messaging.
The invisible mental load is not imagined.
It is reinforced.
And it accumulates.
This does not mean you are powerless.
But it does mean your exhaustion makes sense.
When Competence Becomes a Burden
High-capacity women are often praised for being:
- Reliable
- Mature
- Responsible
- Emotionally intelligent
You may have learned early that being the capable one kept things steady.
You may have been “the strong one” in your family.
You may feel safest when you are useful.
Over time, usefulness can quietly become identity.
And when your identity rests on holding everything together, letting go can feel unsafe.
This is where relational burnout begins.
Not from failure.
From over-functioning.
The Quiet Resentment No One Sees
Emotional labour without recognition can turn into:
- Irritability
- Withdrawal
- Loss of desire
- A sense of invisibility
- Sudden tears that surprise you
You may feel guilty for wanting less responsibility.
You may minimise your own needs because others “have it harder.”
But depletion is depletion.
And resentment is often a signal that your system is overextended.
What Healing Actually Looks Like
Healing does not mean becoming less capable.
It means redistributing responsibility.
It means learning to tolerate:
- Someone else’s discomfort
- Not fixing immediately
- Not anticipating every outcome
- Allowing others to regulate themselves
It means helping your nervous system learn that stability does not depend solely on you.
This work is relational.
It is gradual.
It is deeply hopeful.
Because capacity does not need to disappear.
It simply needs balance.
Where Therapy Can Help
Many women wonder whether support needs to be in person. Online therapy for women can be a steady and effective way to do this work.
In therapy, we explore:
- The origins of your over-functioning
- The beliefs that keep you responsible for everyone
- The protective strategies behind anxiety
- How your nervous system learned vigilance
- We work gently.
Without pathologising.
Without blaming you for adapting.
The aim is not to remove your competence.
It is to support you in being resourced, sovereign, and emotionally steady — without carrying the entire system alone.
If you would like to understand more about how I work, you can read about my services here.
A Question to Sit With
If you stopped holding everything together for a moment, what are you afraid would happen?
And who would you be if stability did not depend entirely on you?
Frequently Asked Questions
What is emotional labour in women?
Emotional labour in women refers to the often invisible work of managing emotions, maintaining harmony, anticipating needs, and stabilising relationships. It is effortful, even when it looks natural from the outside.
Why am I so tired emotionally all the time?
Emotional exhaustion can develop when you are constantly monitoring, anticipating, or regulating the emotional climate around you. Over time, this keeps your nervous system activated and drains energy.
Is emotional labour the same as burnout?
Not exactly. Burnout often relates to work demands. Emotional labour can occur in workplaces, families, friendships, and intimate relationships. The two frequently overlap.
Can therapy help with emotional exhaustion?
Therapy can help you understand the patterns that keep you over-responsible, support nervous system regulation, and redistribute relational load so you are not carrying everything alone.
If This Resonates
If you recognise yourself in this pattern, you do not have to keep carrying it alone.
You can read more about how I work on my Services page.
If you have a question before booking, you’re welcome to get in touch.
Or, if you feel ready, you can book a session here.
Emotional labour often feels invisible.
What would change if your needs were given the same care you so consistently offer others?
Sallyanne Keevers is a PACFA Clinical Member and Registered Supervisor, and an ACA Level 2 Member and Registered Supervisor, based in Queensland, Australia. She specialises in IFS, Brainspotting, and trauma-informed depth psychotherapy for women, and offers clinical supervision for counsellors and psychotherapists. Sallyanne works exclusively online with women across Australia and internationally.
by Sallyanne Keevers | Aug 14, 2025 | Women's Lives, Burnout & Boundaries
Why do I feel anxious when nothing is wrong?
It’s a question many capable, thoughtful women ask themselves.
If you’ve been wondering, “Why do I feel anxious when nothing is wrong?” you’re not alone.
You might look around your life and think:
Nothing is actually wrong.
Your work is steady.
Your relationships are intact.
You’re functioning well.
And yet, your chest feels tight.
Your mind won’t switch off.
You feel a low hum of unease that doesn’t match the facts.
Many high-functioning women experience anxiety that doesn’t seem to have a clear external cause.
So what’s actually happening?
Why Do I Feel Anxious When Nothing Is Wrong?
Anxiety is not always a reaction to what is happening now.
Sometimes it is a response to:
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Chronic over-responsibility
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Unprocessed stress
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Long-term pressure to perform
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A nervous system that has been “on” for too long
When your body has learned to stay alert, it does not easily stand down just because circumstances improve.
High Competence Can Mask Internal Strain
Women who are capable and reliable often override early signs of exhaustion.
You might:
Over time, your nervous system may begin to signal distress in the only way it knows how: anxiety.
Not because you’re failing.
But because something inside has been carrying too much.
When Nothing Is “Wrong”, Look Inward
If there is no obvious crisis, it may help to ask:
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Where do I feel responsible for more than is mine?
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When do I actually rest without guilt?
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What feelings am I postponing because they feel inconvenient?
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Have I felt this way before in other seasons of pressure?
Anxiety without a clear trigger often points to patterns rather than events.
You might describe it as unexplained anxiety, anxiety without a trigger, or feeling anxious for no reason. Often, it is not that nothing is wrong, but that something internal has been under strain for longer than you realised.
Beyond Blue’s information on women’s mental health explains how sustained stress and internal pressure can contribute to anxiety, even when life appears stable on the surface.
What Can Help?
Small shifts matter.
You might begin by:
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Reducing one unnecessary responsibility
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Protecting uninterrupted recovery time
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Noticing where you over-function in relationships
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Working gently with the part of you that believes it must always cope
For some women, having structured space to explore these patterns makes a significant difference.
Not to eliminate anxiety overnight, but to understand what it is signalling beneath the surface.
If you relate to this experience, you may find it helpful to read my in-depth guide on High-Functioning Anxiety in Women: Why You’re Successful but Always On Edge, where I explore the deeper drivers behind constant internal pressure.
If you’re curious about how this kind of work unfolds in practice, you can read more about my approach to therapy here.
You Don’t Have to Untangle This Alone
If you keep asking yourself, “Why do I feel anxious when nothing is wrong?”, it may be less about eliminating anxiety and more about understanding what is asking for your attention.
If anxiety feels persistent, intrusive, or quietly shaping your decisions, working with a therapist can help you explore the deeper pattern rather than just managing symptoms.
You’re welcome to begin with a 90-minute session, or enquire about a three-hour intensive if you would prefer a more concentrated format.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can you have anxiety even if life is good?
Yes. Anxiety can be driven by internal pressure, long-term stress patterns, or a nervous system that has learned to stay alert.
Why do high-achieving women experience anxiety?
High responsibility, emotional labour, and chronic self-expectation can quietly strain the nervous system over time.
Is anxiety without a cause a sign something is wrong?
Not necessarily. It may be a sign that something has been sustained for too long internally rather than an immediate external threat.
When Insight Needs More Space Than a Weekly Session Allows
Sometimes persistent, unexplained anxiety is not resolved through surface insight alone. It may require extended space to trace the pattern carefully and work with it in depth.
A three-hour intensive allows us to explore a specific relational pattern, life transition, or internal dynamic in a contained and thoughtfully structured format.
You can learn more about the three-hour intensive here.
If you’d like to explore whether this is a fit, you can read more about my services or ask a question.
What would help you feel confident about choosing the right kind of support for your anxiety?
Sallyanne Keevers is a PACFA Clinical Member and Registered Supervisor, and an ACA Level 2 Member and Registered Supervisor, based in Queensland, Australia. She specialises in IFS, Brainspotting, and trauma-informed depth psychotherapy for women, and offers clinical supervision for counsellors and psychotherapists. Sallyanne works exclusively online with women across Australia and internationally.
by Sallyanne Keevers | Aug 5, 2025 | Working with Me
What kind of therapist should I see for anxiety in Australia?
If you’re feeling anxious and unsure where to start, you’re not alone. The mental health system can feel confusing, with counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists all offering support in different ways.
If you’re feeling anxious and you’re ready for support, one of the first hurdles is surprisingly practical.
Who do you book with?
In Australia, people often search for a psychologist when what they really mean is someone qualified who can help me with anxiety. The good news is you have options.
This article will help you understand the common titles, what they generally mean, and how to choose someone who is a good fit for you.
What kind of help do you need from a therapist for anxiety?
Anxiety can show up in a lot of ways. You might be:
- Overthinking and second-guessing everything
- Feeling on edge in your body, even when life looks fine
- Having panic symptoms or sudden spikes of fear
- Avoiding situations because it all feels too much
- Carrying a constant sense of dread, pressure, or self-doubt
If you relate to this experience, you may find it helpful to read my in-depth guide on High-Functioning Anxiety in Women: Why You’re Successful but Always On Edge, where I explore the deeper drivers behind constant internal pressure.
You don’t need the perfect label for your anxiety to start therapy. But it helps to know whether you’re looking for:
- Practical tools for managing symptoms
- Deeper work with patterns, emotions, and old experiences
- Support with nervous system regulation and body-based stress
- A steady relationship where you can be honest and work things through
What kind of therapist should I see for anxiety in Australia: Psychologist, counsellor or psychotherapist?
Psychologist
A psychologist is trained in assessment and therapy, and is registered with AHPRA.
Some psychologists provide Medicare rebates through a Mental Health Treatment Plan (from your GP). Some do not, depending on their setting and the type of service.
Counsellor
A counsellor is trained to support people through emotional and relational difficulties, stress, life transitions, and mental health concerns.
In Australia, counsellors are not registered with AHPRA, but many are members of professional bodies with standards and ongoing professional development requirements.
Psychotherapist
A psychotherapist is typically trained in longer-form, depth-oriented therapy. Psychotherapy often focuses on patterns, attachment, trauma, identity, and the underlying drivers of distress, not just symptom management.
Like counselling, psychotherapy in Australia is not AHPRA-registered, but many psychotherapists are members of professional bodies with strong clinical standards.
What matters more than the title
Titles can be useful, but they don’t tell you everything.
When you’re choosing someone for anxiety, the most important questions are usually:
- Do I feel safe enough with this person to be honest?
- Do they understand anxiety in a way that fits me (not just a one-size approach)?
- Do they work in a way that feels grounded and ethical?
- Do they have training and supervision that supports good clinical judgement?
Research consistently shows that the quality of the therapeutic relationship is a major factor in whether therapy helps.
Questions to ask before you book
If you’re unsure who to choose, these questions can help:
- What’s your approach to working with anxiety?
- Do you work online, and how do you support safety and privacy in sessions?
- Do you work with panic, health anxiety, or trauma-related anxiety?
- What does a typical first session look like?
- How long are sessions, and how often do people usually come?
You’re not being difficult by asking. You’re doing good screening.
A note on psychologist searches
If you’ve been searching for a psychologist because that’s the word you know, it doesn’t mean you must see a psychologist.
Many people are looking for a particular kind of work: trauma-informed, relational, depth-oriented, and practical enough to support real life.
The right fit depends on what you need, what you respond to, and what kind of support helps you stay engaged.
How I work with anxiety
I’m a counsellor and psychotherapist offering 90-minute online psychotherapy sessions for women who are holding a lot together on the outside, while feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or disconnected inside.
My work is trauma-informed and non-pathologising. Depending on what you need, sessions may include:
- Understanding the protective patterns behind anxiety
- Body-based approaches to support nervous system regulation
- Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Brainspotting when appropriate
- Building practical capacity without turning your life into a self-improvement project
Frequently asked questions about seeing a therapist for anxiety in Australia
Do I need a referral to see a therapist for anxiety in Australia?
No. You can book directly with many counsellors and psychotherapists. If you would like to access Medicare rebates with a psychologist, you will usually need a Mental Health Treatment Plan from your GP.
Is a psychologist better than a counsellor for anxiety?
Not necessarily. What matters most is the therapist’s training, experience with anxiety, and whether you feel safe and understood in the therapeutic relationship.
How do I know if therapy is working?
You may notice small shifts first: feeling more regulated, less reactive, clearer in your thinking, or more able to respond rather than react. Therapy is often gradual rather than dramatic.
If you’d like to explore whether this is a fit, you can read more about my services or ask a question.
What would help you feel confident about choosing the right kind of support for your anxiety?
Sallyanne Keevers is a PACFA Clinical Member and Registered Supervisor, and an ACA Level 2 Member and Registered Supervisor, based in Queensland, Australia. She specialises in IFS, Brainspotting, and trauma-informed depth psychotherapy for women, and offers clinical supervision for counsellors and psychotherapists. Sallyanne works exclusively online with women across Australia and internationally.
by Sallyanne Keevers | Jul 5, 2025 | Working with Me
If you’re considering therapy for anxiety, it makes sense to wonder whether online therapy for anxiety will actually help.
For many people, online therapy for anxiety can be genuinely effective. Not because it’s a quick fix or because anxiety is something to get rid of, but because meaningful change can still happen through a secure video session: a steady relationship, careful attention to patterns, and practical ways to work with what your nervous system is doing.
Anxiety isn’t the enemy
Anxiety is a normal human response. It’s part of how we notice threat, prepare, and protect what matters.
The problem usually isn’t that anxiety exists.
If you’ve ever wondered why anxiety shows up even when life looks stable, you may also find it helpful to read Why Do I Feel Anxious When Nothing Is Wrong?
It’s that it becomes too loud, too frequent, or too costly. It starts narrowing your life, draining your energy, or keeping you in constant self-monitoring.
If you relate to this experience, you may find it helpful to read my in-depth guide on High-Functioning Anxiety in Women: Why You’re Successful but Always On Edge, where I explore the deeper drivers behind constant internal pressure.
Therapy isn’t about removing a human capacity. It’s about helping anxiety return to a proportionate role, so you have more steadiness and choice.
What “effective”really mean?
When anxiety is involved, “effective”often means things like:
- You understand what’s driving the anxiety, not just how to override it
- You can recognise early signs and respond sooner
- You have tools that help in the moment (without relying on them as the only answer)
- Your body settles more easily after stress
- You feel more choice in how you respond, rather than being pulled around by worry
It’s less about never feeling anxious again, and more about being able to live your life without anxiety running the whole system.
What does research say about online therapy for anxiety?
In Australia, telehealth therapy has become a standard and evidence-informed option for anxiety support.
Research over the past decade has consistently found that online therapy can be comparable to in-person therapy for many common mental health concerns, including anxiety.
What seems to matter most isn’t whether therapy happens on a screen or in a room. It’s the quality of the therapeutic relationship: feeling safe enough to be honest, feeling understood, and working with someone you trust.
Modalities like Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Brainspotting can be used effectively online when they’re applied thoughtfully and paced well. But the foundation is still the same: a steady, collaborative relationship that supports real change over time.
When online therapy for anxiety can be a good fit
Online therapy can work especially well if:
- Your anxiety makes it hard to leave the house, drive, or be in public spaces
- You’re time-poor and need therapy to fit around work, parenting, or caring roles
- You live rurally or can’t access the kind of therapy you want locally
- You feel more comfortable opening up from your own space
- You want consistent support while travelling or living internationally
Many people find that being in their own environment actually helps. We can work with what’s real in your day-to-day life, not just what you can remember once you arrive at a clinic.
When might in-person therapy be better?
There are times when online therapy may not be the right starting point, or may need to be combined with other supports.
For example:
- If you’re in immediate crisis or at risk of harm
- If you need urgent medical support (for example, severe sleep disruption, panic that feels unmanageable, or significant weight loss)
- If your home environment isn’t private or safe enough for sessions
In those situations, it can still be helpful to talk, but we’d want to make sure you also have the right level of support around you (GP, local services, crisis supports if needed).
How does online therapy for anxiety actually work?
I offer 90-minute online psychotherapy sessions for women seeking online therapy for anxiety who are holding a lot together on the outside, while feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or disconnected inside.
My work is trauma-informed and depth-oriented. Depending on what you need, sessions may include:
- Helping you understand the protective patterns behind anxiety (rather than treating you like you’re broken)
- Body-based work to support nervous system regulation
- Approaches such as Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Brainspotting when appropriate
- Practical tools you can use between sessions, without turning your life into a self-improvement project
Frequently Asked Questions
Is online therapy as effective as in-person therapy for anxiety?
For many people, yes. Research suggests that when the therapeutic relationship is strong and sessions are consistent, outcomes can be similar to in-person therapy. What matters most is fit, pacing, and feeling safe enough to engage honestly.
A simple way to decide
If you’re still unsure about the kind of support that would suit you, you might find this guide helpful: What Kind of Therapist Should I See for Anxiety in Australia?
A useful question is: Do I have enough privacy and stability to show up honestly for 90 minutes?
If yes, online therapy is often a very workable option.
If you’re unsure, you’re welcome to ask a question first.
If you’re considering online therapy for anxiety and would like to explore whether this is a fit, you can read about how I work, contact me with a question, or book a session when you feel ready.
Contact
Services
Book a session
What would make online therapy feel like a safe and realistic next step for you?
Sallyanne Keevers is a PACFA Clinical Member and Registered Supervisor, and an ACA Level 2 Member and Registered Supervisor, based in Queensland, Australia. She specialises in IFS, Brainspotting, and trauma-informed depth psychotherapy for women, and offers clinical supervision for counsellors and psychotherapists. Sallyanne works exclusively online with women across Australia and internationally.
by Sallyanne Keevers | Jun 17, 2025 | Inner Work
Self-esteem in women has been quietly misunderstood for decades.
We were told it comes after accomplishment.
After improvement.
After becoming “better.”
Lose the weight.
Get the promotion.
Be more organised.
Be less emotional.
Then — and only then — you can respect yourself.
But that model creates a fragile structure: self-worth conditional on performance.
And performance never ends.
The Self-Esteem Trap High-Functioning Women Fall Into
Most high-functioning women learned self-esteem backwards.
You achieve.
You accomplish.
You become capable, reliable, competent.
And yet many still struggle to hold themselves in high regard.
Why?
Because you are waiting for perfection.
Conditional self-esteem says:
“I’m worthy when I perform well. When I don’t disappoint anyone. When I manage everything flawlessly.”
The problem is the conditions are never fully met.
There is always another goal.
Another flaw.
Another reason to withdraw respect from yourself.
That is exhausting.
And it fuels anxiety, burnout and quiet resentment.
If you relate to that pattern, you may also recognise it in high-functioning anxiety, where success does not calm the nervous system.
What Terry Real and Esther Perel Mean by Flawed and Still Worthy
Relationship therapist Terry Real defines self-esteem as “our ability to see ourselves as a flawed individual and still hold ourselves in high regard.”
Esther Perel expands on this in Letters From Esther #8: The Myth of Self-Love, describing it as the ability to not collapse into self-contempt when we mess up.
They are describing something radical:
Unconditional self-regard.
Not self-esteem that fluctuates with productivity.
Not self-worth tied to appearance or performance.
But a grounded belief that you are worthy of respect because you exist.
Because you try.
Because you care.
Because you are human.
This is not arrogance.
It is emotional maturity.
The Difference Between Conditional and Unconditional Self-Esteem in Women
Conditional self-esteem:
• Worth depends on outcomes
• Self-criticism feels motivating
• Rest must be earned
• Mistakes trigger shame
Unconditional self-esteem:
• Worth is stable
• Growth happens without humiliation
• Boundaries feel legitimate
• Mistakes do not erase value
Unconditional self-regard does not mean you stop improving.
It means your worth is not on trial while you grow.
What Gets in the Way of Healthy Self-Esteem in Women
For many women, holding yourself in high regard while flawed feels dangerous.
You may believe:
Self-criticism keeps me sharp.
Withdrawing respect motivates me.
If I go easy on myself, I’ll become complacent.
In reality, chronic self-criticism is demoralising.
It keeps the nervous system in vigilance.
It reinforces shame.
And shame thrives in silence and self-judgment.
According to Beyond Blue, women experience anxiety and depression at higher rates during prolonged stress and life transitions. When self-worth is tied to performance, that stress intensifies.
Unconditional self-esteem reduces that pressure.
How to Build Unconditional Self-Esteem in Women
Start with honest seeing.
Not harsh judgment.
Honest seeing.
Name your actual patterns:
Impatience.
Perfectionism.
Over-committing.
Difficulty asking for help.
Separate the flaw from your worth.
You have perfectionistic tendencies.
That does not make you unworthy.
Notice where you withdraw respect.
When do you speak to yourself in ways you would never speak to a friend?
When do you treat mistakes as proof of inadequacy?
Pause there.
Practice small acts of self-respect:
• Keeping a promise to yourself
• Saying no without over-explaining
• Taking your needs seriously
• Speaking to yourself with steadiness
These are not indulgent.
They are foundational.
Why This Matters for Anxiety and Burnout
Low or conditional self-esteem in women often fuels:
• Over-functioning
• Emotional labour
• Chronic anxiety
• Relational imbalance
• Burnout
When your worth depends on performance, you cannot rest.
Unconditional self-regard allows your nervous system to soften.
And when the nervous system softens, anxiety reduces.
Burnout shifts.
Relationships recalibrate.
Frequently Asked Questions About Self-Esteem in Women
What is healthy self-esteem in women?
Healthy self-esteem in women means maintaining respect for yourself even when you make mistakes or experience limitations. It is stable, not performance-based.
Why do high-achieving women struggle with self-esteem?
Many high-achieving women learned to tie their worth to productivity and competence. This creates conditional self-esteem that feels fragile.
Can therapy improve self-esteem?
Yes. Therapy can help explore shame, attachment patterns and performance-based identity, supporting the development of unconditional self-regard.
Is self-esteem linked to anxiety?
Yes. When worth depends on outcomes, anxiety increases. Unconditional self-regard reduces nervous system vigilance.
A Different Way Forward
You are capable.
You show up.
You care deeply.
What if your worth was not dependent on how well you perform?
What if you could see yourself clearly — your flaws, your contradictions, your limitations — and still hold yourself in high regard?
Not because you are perfect.
Because you are real.
If this resonates, you may also find it helpful to read:
• High-Functioning Anxiety in Women
• Emotional Labour and the Exhausted Woman
• Inner Work for Women
And if you would like support building steadier self-regard in real life, you can learn more about working with me here.
You do not have to earn your own respect.
You can choose it.
Sallyanne Keevers is a PACFA Clinical Member and Registered Supervisor, and an ACA Level 2 Member and Registered Supervisor, based in Queensland, Australia. She specialises in IFS, Brainspotting, and trauma-informed depth psychotherapy for women, and offers clinical supervision for counsellors and psychotherapists. Sallyanne works exclusively online with women across Australia and internationally.
